addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
