Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
