Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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