That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
