all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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