I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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