If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
