Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize