i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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