Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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