its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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