i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
