C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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