Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
