The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
