I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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