So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
