we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think I just sharted jello shots
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