They should really pass out barf bags in church
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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