Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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