I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
