This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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