but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the condom got lost in my hair
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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