I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
