Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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