Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
