so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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