Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize