Your mouth is God's brothel.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
