The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
