Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
