Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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