Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
