Where did you get a picture of my penis
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
