is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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