his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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