i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
