I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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