Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
