I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
