He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
