Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize