dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
