Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
