Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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