based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
