Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
