I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize