I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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