Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize