umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
