so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
