it wasn't lemon gatorade
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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