New low: just hacked my moms facebook
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
