her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
