I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
