There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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