I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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