Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
