It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
