I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
