Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
