So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
