Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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