This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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