i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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