Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
