i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
why is half of my head shaved?
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