What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
