The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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