where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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