I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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