I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
