I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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