why didn't you poke me back
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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