He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
