Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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