Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
