R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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