Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
