he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
