btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
