Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize