Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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