i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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