You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
