Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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